WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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