...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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