is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
