K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
