we're chasing vodka with high fives
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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