does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
