Umm I'm too high to move.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
