I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
