I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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