Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
