help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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