$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
