I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
