im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
