if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
operation harelip BJ is a go
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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