my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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