Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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