Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have fence marks all over my body
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
