we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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