well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
