It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
