Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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