Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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