Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
