She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
