I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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