it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
