Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
