So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
