i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just invented taco cereal.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
