she was so not down for the gang bang
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
