i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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