Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
