I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
