we're blogging at a bar
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
