Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize