i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
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You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.