ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
