Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
