Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
