im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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