fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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