they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
