i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
