Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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