The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
