my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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