Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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