I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
