We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
