Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
