When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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