he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
