Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
