It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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