Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
