Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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