I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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