I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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