Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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