you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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