so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
