I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
