A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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