I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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