i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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