i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I faked an abortion last night.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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