after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize