dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
