3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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