$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
