we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
