I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
