he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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