im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
