Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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