We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
