On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
