Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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