apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
