idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
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STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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