just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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