i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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