I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pants are for mortals
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
