if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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