Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
