In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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