Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
