Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
