u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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