Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
