So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
