i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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