Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
