well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
