im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
