You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
