yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So vagazzling was a success
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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