i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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