Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
