i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
time to smoke my breakfast
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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