Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I could fuck to npr.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
